Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Well, I had another of those classes this evening and learned something new. I’m not court-referred to these, but I suppose I will be in the future. I didn’t think it would hurt to let them enroll me in them in any case. And I enjoy inter-acting with the other clients and getting out of the house for a couple of hours to make the short walk over there every Tuesday night. But I didn’t think I would learn something I hadn’t heard before.

The woman who facilitates the class told me tonight that addiction is not a disease. She said we are responsible for our addiction. I told her that the AMA had classified it as a disease in 1973, and she said, “That’s changed.”

I don’t think she’s correct about that, actually, but I didn’t argue. She said, “I don’t believe that relapse is a part of recovery the way they say in AA.”

Well, they don’t say that.  Relapse is never a part of recovery. Relapse isn’t a part of the recovery in any disease. Hence the “relapse” part. And yeah, I’ve heard plenty of people in 12-step programs say that relapse has played a part in their recovery, and I get it. But it’s really just a part of their story. And what they’re saying doesn’t speak for 12-step programs as a whole. I would like to ask her if she believes that the brain chemistry of an addict is different, because that appears to be the latest scientific consensus. Perhaps she is a facilitator on the side with the Smart Recovery people in town or somethin. I’m not sure. I don’t really care. But I’m curious where she stands on current scientific data.  I mean, she does work at the Center for Mental Health, so it would be a comfort to know that she’s on the same page as everyone else.

The best thing that has happened for me this past week has been talking to someone who is having a really rough time with all this in his own life. I also hooked a guy up with my truck so he could find a job and get to work and back, since I’m unable to drive for nine months anyway. And I started doing my schoolwork in earnest and have done well so far on the first couple of modules. I have an arraignment on Friday in Gunnison County where I’ll finally find out when my court date will be. I’m supposed to get an appointment with a psychiatrist to do a complete psych evaluation on me and also get a complete physical sometime soon. Perhaps they’ll find that I have inoperable brain cancer, so I can be tragic instead of pathetic. I don’t really wish for that, but it would likely be easier to deal with objectively. I also need to find a foster home for Otis. I think I have one for Buddy already. I’m not eager to turn either of them loose, even though it would be logistically much easier and simpler for me to do everything I am required to do without having to care for them. They’re all I have left.

I sent out Christmas cards last week for the first time in years, and I had fun doing it. I was a little shocked at how expensive they were, but I didn’t buy cheap cards. Everyone I know well is at least a thousand miles away, so it helped me to reach out in longhand for a change.

I put my house on the market yesterday. It’s already been shown once in that time. That will give me a boost in my finances if it sells before I go to court.

I trust that everything is going to be fine, even if it’s not always fun. I’m always curious about what’s going to happen next anyway.

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