Author Archives: fturrentine

Thursday, December 1, 2016

I have rendered myself sweetly reasonable. I sat down thinking I had something to write, either about today or the things that have been going through my mind this week about the future, about what I’d like life to look like. But there’s really nothing there right now.

I think perhaps I should stop buying books and just go get a library card down the street. Maybe they have some Bakunin at the Montrose library. At the moment I’d really like to just crawl in bed, but it’s a bit early yet, and the dogs would likely object. I may do it anyway.

I still fantasize about a small house by a river in sight of the mountains with books everywhere and a small garden and an orchard. At times those dreams seem more like a way to punish myself, but that’s more a problem of attitude than anything else. I’m half a bubble off level, baby. If I live long enough, there will be something on the other end of all this. I’m still unclear about what life looks like without dad and the farm and my mother over on French Street.  I called a realtor today to put the house over east of the Front Range on the market, as I don’t see myself living over there or renting it out either one; it’s too much like west Texas, for one thing.

Everything is screwed down so hard and tight at the moment that I’ve lost interest in whimsy and imagination most of the time. I’m not bitter. I’m just not the emo kid I was in my thirties anymore. I’m not unhappy about that. I’m interested in a few things, and that’s enough. I’m curious every day about something or another. I’m reading again in fits and spurts. In the last month or so i’ve read “The Last War Trail” about the Utes of this area, “Notes from Underground”, and Hamsun’s “Hunger”, and now I’m reading Bookchin’s history of the Spanish Anarchists from 1868 to 1936 – all good reads. I could dream about gardening again, but there’s not much point in it at the moment. It would just bum me out the way seeing a dog on the street used to bum me out when I had no dog of my own.

I don’t think about drinking or getting high and haven’t for some time. It’s just not part of the picture, so there’s no euphoric recall or feeling of missing out to ponder. I suppose I should be happy about that, and I guess I am, but it’s really just something that doesn’t cross my mind lately. It cost me everything dear, but I’m not sure that’s a bad thing. I’ve been stripped of a great many illusions and attachments over the last three years, at first slowly and then in a very precipitous fashion. It’s been jarring, and I was gutted for a while from the change if nothing else, but I feel lighter in every sense as well.

I’ve been looking forward to being old for quite some time, and I’ve finally become what I dreaded and it feels welcome.

okay, so I just bought three more books on amazon, including Kropotkin and Bakunin. I’m not upset about that. I do what I want.



Please follow and like us:

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

I enrolled in school today. I guess I’d better get busy with that this week and get my show on the road. I should come out of it with something I can peddle besides soap. I’ve been pretty lost lately, but there’s no point wallowing in all that as it only magnifies the difficulty and forestalls any improvement.  For the moment I’ll just be thankful I’m still around and fully clothed and in my right mind and leave it at that. Oh, and Buddy and Otis dig the snow, natch.


Please follow and like us:

Saturday, November 26, 2016

The week of house-sitting is over, and I am back home.

“If we want to have a better world we can’t hope for an Obama, and we should not fear a Donald Trump, rather we should build it ourselves.” – Edward Snowden

My mind is a jumble today.

Someone pulled me aside this morning and pointed out what an asshole I’ve been to him recently. I had to admit it, and I felt awkward about it. I apologized and thanked him. I’ve chewed on it a bit today, and I think it’s something I should work on. I don’t necessarily want to lose my caustic edge, but I don’t want to be an asshole to the great unwashed and every person I encounter in my daily life. That’s a lonelier way to live than I care for, for one thing, but it’s also a waste of talent to boot. That sort of thing should be filtered and only shared when it will do some good, or at least do no real harm.

I’m thankful for today. I’m thankful for my friends, near and far. I’m thankful to be sober and fully dressed and free for the moment. I’m thankful for a roof over my head and food to eat. I’m thankful for my health, such as it is. I’m thankful for George. I’m thankful for the companionship of my dogs. I’m thankful to be in Montrose, Colorado living in a campground. I’m thankful to be surrounded by understanding people, even if they don’t really understand me very well.

I was thinking tonight as I walked off from my rig that it’d be nice to have Christmas lights all over it. I likely won’t do that, but it’d be nice anyway. I’m not about to start secreting sentimental goo here on the Ranch, but I had something of a moment that approached being sweet reasonableness a couple of hours ago, and I enjoyed it while it lasted. My neighbors have some lights on their RV, and I can enjoy those without all the hassle of doing it myself.

We’re supposed to get a healthy dose of snow and cold and wind in the next couple of days. I’m not unhappy about that.


Please follow and like us:

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at the Ranch! That being me’n Otis’n Buddy.

I went to Montrose today for the big community dinner at the Fairgrounds, and then I stopped here at my rig to check the internet before heading back out to Olathe for the rest of the week. I’m stuffed. I also made a big batch of Jalapeno pigs this morning to take to town and share, and I ate about nine or ten of them in the process. I’m swoll up like a tick today.


They had the Blue Gators playin jam music while I ate, and I saw a lot of people I knew from around town. All in all it wasn’t a bad turkey day.

Please follow and like us:

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

I’ve been house-sitting in Olathe this week and haven’t had much internet access out there, aside from instagram and email from my phone with rapidly dwindling data therein.

I must say it’s been rather refreshing.

I just stopped in town to make sure my RV is still intact and took a moment to add some social media widgets to the Ranch for grins.

There is still a great deal of old content coming on mom and dad’s pages and a bit more on my own. But mostly, I just wanted a place to hang out online without the endless stream of feel-bad from all over the world streaming down the page in front of my eyes. I can dredge up enough of that on my own without having it repeatedly reinforced from without unsolicited.

Now, I’ll gather a few things and head back out to Olathe. I’m planning on going to the fairgrounds here in town  tomorrow for their annual Thanksgiving feed with strangers. I’ve been invited by a few folks to join them each at their various family gatherings, but that always feels a bit odd to me. I heard that the folks at the fairgrounds put on a good meal, and it might be fun. I’ve got a bunch of DVDs out in the country, and today I plan on watching all of the old Planet of the Apes flicks and the entire Omen set as well, including the remake. I’ve also got Life of Brian and a box set of Perry Mason, cuz I like that.

Mom used to really like Judd for the Defense. I’ve never seen that.

Please follow and like us:

Thursday, November 17, 2016

“The epitome of the human realm is to be stuck in a huge traffic jam of discursive thought.” – Chogyam Trungpa

Good morning.

I slept past 7am this morning. The skies looked threatening, and the wind was up, so I put on yesterday’s clothes, made my bed, and took the dogs right out. Within just a few minutes of our return the rain started. Now there is the rocking of the wind and swirling beat of the raindrops on my RV. I like that, as long as I know the dogs have had the chance to poop. Perhaps we’ll get that snow today.

I’m not sure what to read now.

This might be a nice lifestyle if it didn’t involve fixing the roof on the place. I’m not real handy:

I should get busy loading content on here, but I’m still bummed about losing so much stuff that had previously been on the internet archives for the Ranch. I reckon that’s a good reason to write new stories. Also, I had used some real names back then not thinking about the fact that those people might someday be on the internet as well and perhaps look themselves up. Add to that the fact that I can run for office now and no one is the wiser, and I’m golden. Still hate that I’ve lost all of dad’s postings from the Ranch and all of Tasso’s stories and more besides. I miss reading Tasso.

Angela at Network Solutions was real nice to me today, so hello Angela, and gracias.

I think tonight I’ll begin reading “The Chaco Meridian” about political and religious power in the Southwest over the last thousand years, and perhaps i’ll add some more stuff to the Ranch.


Please follow and like us:

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

I walked home tonight singing Blaze Foley songs to myself. It was one of those “cold, cold world” days, I suppose. That’s not a bad thing. It wasn’t particularly even cold today. The world was friendly enough, and my acquaintances are warm enough. There is nothing compelling complaint today. I reckon my pace was fit the tune as I walked.

I’m fat. There is no one to wipe away my problems and few to even distract me from them. It’s just grown-up stuff answering a circumstance impelled by childishness, or perhaps more accurately mindlessness. That’s nothing new for me and not really even a deal-breaker. I’ll stick around and see it through, Inshallah.

I did find this in my mailbox when I got home tonight, which is cool.


Tomorrow I’ll make jalapeno cornbread to go with the beans and greens I made today. That’s about as ambitious as I plan to be at this point. I’ll also start a new book. I’m finishing up “Hunger” by Knut Hamsun. I finished Dostoevsky’s “Notes from Underground” the other day and “The Last War Trail” a few days prior to that. I’m on something of a roll in that respect.

I’m about to go spend a week in Olathe house-sitting for a friend of mine while he sees his family in San Jose, CA. I reckon I can get some work done on the website and get some books read and play with the dogs off-leash a lot, hopefully in the snow.

We’re supposed to get snow tomorrow, but it’s too warm for it right now.

I reckon that’s the farm report for now.

Please follow and like us:

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Good morning!

I’ve got myself all lined out for the day. Let’s see how much of this actually gets done. I have someone coming over to drive me about a bit, rather than me walking to All Saints first thing this morning.  I suppose the only downside to that is I’ll miss reading and walking. I have things to do today. I need to do laundry, bathe Buddy, switch out my water line to the heated one, empty and sweep my storage unit and take the chairs to the thrift store.

They’re saying it should finally snow here on Thursday.

I had to buy fatboy pants yesterday, and I may get yet another pair today. That’s disappointing, but not surprising, I reckon.

I have a great deal of content to load up on the Ranch that I pulled off of my Facebook page while I had it back up for a moment. That will also give me something to do for a bit. I have books to read and things to write. Things could be worse.


Please follow and like us:

RIP Leon Russell

I didn’t come as a shock, but it was certainly disappointing to learn this morning that Leon Russell had died over the weekend.  I’m sad to note his passing.

Please follow and like us:

Oy, I’m gutted

Perhaps this is a temporary problem. More will be revealed through further study of the situation.

I have always relied on the internet archive “wayback machine” to access old content from the Ranch, such as my father’s many entries there. I think there is also a copy of the site on an external hard drive I have in storage in Texas, assuming that is still functional and I don’t stop paying the rent on the place. There is also a good deal of his writing on mine and his Facebook profiles, so I can always turn those back on in order to access and copy it down from there. But that is by no means the entirety of it.

This morning I typed in the URL to the wayback and found that no iterations of the site are available any longer due to “robot .txt”. I have a sinking feeling that because I have begun re-publishing the site using WordPress the archive has gone back and erased all of the previous crawls it had done on the Ranch. My fear is that they are forever erased. I realize that nothing is ever actually gone forever on the internet, but I am currently unable to bring up any of my old content.

I will make a yeoman effort, in any case. If anyone has any suggestions, I’m all ears.

Please follow and like us: