How to Get Acquainted With a Mean Dog

 

 

 

From: Oxsan
Date: 11 Mar 2003
Time: 02:04:56

I just want to let you people in on the secrets of getting along with a mean dog when you first meet him. The first few minutes with that dog are very meaningful and you want to establish the relationship on the right footing. You want to let the dog know who is boss. There are many ways that people have found to introduce themselves to the dog and establish the right relationship. These are outlined below. I want all of you to know that the methods I have written about here are of my own invention and have nothing to do with the Monks of New Skete. Now these methods.

The Back Of The Hand Method

Surely you all know that the dog’s primary sense is its sense of smell so one of the best approaches is to extend the back of your hand towards the dogs head in a gesture of friendly companionship and camaraderie. This gives the dog an opportunity to absorb and analyze your body odor from which it can read all of your emotions and intentions. The dog’s sense of smell is especially sensitive to butyric acid and its salts. Butyric acid is the principal ingredient of perspiration---so while you are extending the back of your hand toward the dog’s head by all means do not sweat. If you sweat it will let the dog know that you are afraid of him and that would be getting the relationship off to a poor start. The dog can actually distinguish the presence of butyric acid in mixtures as low as one part in 50 million---so don’t sweat none at all. In fact if when you draw your hand back it is short one or more fingers then it is not the dog’s fault it is yours because you sweated. Lots of people use the “back of the hand method”.

The Blue And Yellow Method

Many people do not know that dogs are almost colorblind. Actually veterinary opticians believe that all of the canidae distinguish only three colors. These are blue, yellow and gray and thus see everything in the world in those colors or shades thereof. Now knowing this you can take advantage of it to make your initial advance to the dog. I will warn you however that there are two schools of thoughts about this. One school known as the “bold” school of blue and yellow holds that in your first meeting with the dog you should wear only blue and yellow colored clothing including shoes and hat in order to stand out with greater confidence from the gray world in which the dog lives. The other school is referred to as the “Contemplative” school of blue and yellow and holds that one should avoid these colors and wear only gray so that you will be less of a threat to the dog. I would say that it is best to try it both ways so that whether or not either works with the dog you will know which school of blue and yellow you belong to.

Eye-Contact versus No Eye-Contact Methods

Opinion is also divided on this method. Remember that the dog is a lesser creature and is thought by some not to have the fortitude or “soul” to look a human in the eye. I tried both of these methods with my dog (who knows me already I’ll admit) and he just sighed and went to sleep on both of them. There is little doubt however that direct staring at the dog with eye contact is typical of a stalking animal about to lunge at prey as the angle of focus (AOF to us animal behaviorists) is the predator animals method of judging how far it has to jump to grasp the prey. Nevertheless I can report for sure that my German Shepard, Nero, just flat didn’t give a damn whether I stared at him or not. I suppose that further research on this method is definitely in order.

The Submissive Posture Method

Remember that it is your goal to convince the dog that you are not a threat and he will not then be inclined to attack you in self -defense. This method is currently in great vogue in the French kennels. It is really quite simple and takes little practice. As the dog lunges toward you with bared, bloody teeth drop to the floor on your back and curl your legs up into the fetal position and put your hands on the chest. It is best if you can add to this picture by lolling your tongue out and peeing in your pants a bit. The dog will interpret the composite of these gestures as submissive in nature and be disarmed thereby. We have actually lost a very low percentage of the dog buyers that used this method adroitly.

The Police Whistle Approach

I really list this method only for your academic interest since we have given it up completely here at Benpensa Kennels. For a while we did furnish police whistles and instruct patrons to blow the whistle loudly as the dog lunged for their throat. We had a bit of a mix up there in our translation of the German that came with our East German Schutzenhund breeding stock. The whistle we found out later was a signal that had been used to train the dogs to go for the throat. It was really because we didn’t go to the end of the sentence to find the verb in das Handbuch dem Schutzenhund.

Nape Of The Neck Approach

As you are probably aware the mother dog transports her puppies by grabbing them by the nape of the neck and gently carrying them from place to place. Here at Benpensa Kennels we believe that technology should mimic nature and we have devised this method of introducing our customers to some of our meanest dogs. It is quite simple. The patron merely walks right up to the dog and grabs it by the scruff of the neck and picks it up and carries it six or seven feet and sets it down again. The dog, you see recalls the reassuring strength of its mothers jaws and relaxes completely. At least that is the theory. In actual practice we have not been quite so successful with this method. One difficulty is that our patronage is often typified by little old lady types that weigh all of ninety pounds and have osteoporosis and have some difficulty in raising a 110 pound snarling German Shepard off the ground to carry it six or seven feet. But we are still working on it.

As a last word I would suggest that you time yourself in the classic pro-football 40 yard dash and if you can’t do it in 4.0 flat you get yourself a toy poodle. We also suggest you get a rabies shot before you come to the kennels — things happen pretty fast here some times.