Anguished English

 

 

I am reading a book called "Anguished English" by Richard Lederer, one of my favorite linguistic writers. He was a high school teacher for many years, and below are a few bloopers submitted by his students that I think are worthy of reading

The problem with inter-sexual swimming is that the boys often outstrip the girls.

A virtuoso is a musician with high morals

The President of the United States in having foreign affairs has to have the consent of the Senate.

The difference between a king and a president is that a king is the son of his father but a president isn't.

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow and not the bull.

Last year many lives were caused by accidents.

Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

The hills were worn down by eroticism.

Please excuse Burma. She has been sick and under the doctor.

I think every book that Lederer has written has been a scream.