Cottonelle

 

 

As one gets older one develops certain brand loyalties that are rarely rational but are exercised just because you have always done it that way. It seems especially strange that a west Texas kid who had been taught the terminal use of Sears, Roebuck catalogs, corn cobs, and "careless weed" leaves should have developed an affinity for one brand of toilet tissue but that was the case, and why this preference existed was a question which never crossed my mind. For the last twenty or thirty years I have always bought Coronet brand toilet tissue. Not long ago the Coronet place on the shelves was bare and in exasperation I bought a tissue called Cottonelle, but I was not happy about buying it.

As it turned out however I found the Cottonelle tissue to be far superior to the Coronet. There is little reason to list all the advantages of Cottonelle and the tests that it was subjected to in strength, texture, absorbency, and other factors. It was apparent to me that I must desert Coronet and rely upon the recently proven advantage of Cottonelle. So yesterday I journeyed to Walmart and among other things purchased a large 12 roll package of Cottonelle. I was about to leave for the checkout kiosk when I noticed further down the line yet another display of Cottonelle. A minute study of this product label proved to me that it differed from the first batch only in that this second display of Cottonelle contained "Aloe and E" which the first display did not. Lo and behold, I had no idea whether or not the package I had at home was "with" aloe and E or "without" aloe and E, or whether or not it made any difference in the efficacy of the product. I assumed that the "E" meant vitamin E and that seemed to be going about things backwards to me. But to be on the safe side as we conservatives say I bought a twelve pack of both - probably about a two-year supply.

I only had about three other items in the cart when I checked out and the check-out clerk was a new employee as denoted by the fact that she had a monitor clerk standing beside her. The little new girl brightly asked, "Did you notice that you got two packages of toilet tissue?"

Now these packages were about the size of a washtub. How could I not have noticed? The old lady monitor smiled at me and shook her head but wasn't noticed by the girl, who before I could reply asked "Why do you buy two packages of toilet tissue?"

Now there are certain things you don't ask a person in West Texas like where he is from, if he has ever been in prison or how he voted or why he bought 24 rolls of toilet tissue. I frankly considered the question impertinent, and I replied.

"I want to take each package home to see which one fits."

The girl said "EEEEK" loudly and the old lady monitor laughed loudly, and every eye on thirteen checkout lanes turned on us. So my reputation in the town has been altered after seventeen years of spotless conduct in the community.