An Open Door for Fears to Slip In

 

 

There is a lot of talk on TV today about the new stiffer Airport Security Measures and how all of our Air Marshals and Baggage Screeners are going to be citizens of the US. I got curious. What if a man who looked like Hassan bin Sobr from Osamaville, Saudi Arabia appeared as an applicant, and I am charged with his employment interview. He claims to be a naturalized citizen of the US and that his name is Reginald Percy Somerset originally of the English Cotswold Country but now speaking colloquial American, and he presents his naturalization papers to prove it. The dates are reasonable. He is incidentally munching dates during the interview. Do you suppose the tattooed crossed scimitars on his left forearm might be mentioned on his immigration papers? Or I might mutter "laa atakallam lughatak jayyidun" and watch closely for reaction, but if he replied in Arabic I would never understand it unless it was one of my stock memorized phrases. Speaking Arabic is not like riding a bicycle, especially if you speak it as poorly as I did.

How can I prove that Reginald is really Reginald and not Hassan bin Sobr? Is there a picture on the naturalization papers? Is there maybe a thumbprint? Certainly a physical description. How do I know that this is Reginald instead of Hassan who stole Reginald's naturalization papers then deftly slit his throat? Ask him questions about the Cotswolds? I don't know anything about the Cotswolds. I have three kinds of US Navy discharge papers and none of them have my picture or thumb print on them, or an attached DNA sample.

I could just say "to hell with it" and issue Hassan his .45 cal automatic and shoulder holster and tell him to show up Monday morning for flight 1313 out of Memphis.

I am really curious. Any one know the answer? If I called INS in Washington how many generations do you think it would take for me to get back an answer on Reginald, and would it be anything that would identify the guy before me with an agal sticking out of his back pocket as Reginald?