Civil Obedience

The Key to Legalizing Marijuana for Use by Humans

 

 

As an iguana with a human-equivalent IQ of 523, I am not party to your silly habits. But few of them seem so needlessly fraught with dire consequences as marijuana smoking. I don't know why some of you want to plunge yourselves into trances all the time, but I'm even more astounded that some of you think that prison is warranted for those who make such a choice, especially as other, perfectly legal choices are so much worse.

Last time I checked, you humans still own your own bodies, don't you? As citizens of the United States, aren't your bodies yours to do with as you will so long as you're not hurting anyone else? Are your bodies property of the government, federal, state, or local? I didn't think so. The laws against marijuana, an herb that has been shown over and over to be less harmful to the individual and society than alcohol and tobacco (unless the studies in question are being funded by agencies whose continued existence depends on marijuana being kept illegal), are unconscionable in that light. Those of you who smoke marijuana ought to be taking this personally. Those of you who favor these laws ought to be ashamed of yourselves. BUTCH holds this truth to be self-evident: Humans' bodies are intrinsically personal property, and one's power to enforce opinions about what should or shouldn't be done with them must end, to paraphrase Mencken, where another's nose begins. U.S. government officials who favor keeping marijuana illegal should consider fulfilling their urge to work in this field in a country such as China or Vietnam or some other filthy dictatorship with no regard for individual freedom rather than in one supposedly based on the concept of freedom. And please don't bore this lizard with tired arguments based on a supposed distinction between liberty (held to be a truly American concept) and license (what naughty people do when given too much freedom). License is more accurately defined as "people exercising their liberty in a way of which others in power don't approve." Too fucking bad. It's sad that a supposedly lower-order vertebrate should be the one to break it to you, but part and parcel of living in a country based on concepts of personal liberty is that some folks are going to be free to do things you loathe. If you honestly think that tax-paying, responsible adults who choose to smoke marijuana in the privacy of their own homes on their own time should be subject to the loss of liberty, property, employment, and even child custody, then you should take that flag down from in front of your house, rip it into rags, and hang it in your bathroom, because you might as well be wiping your ass with it. And you think you're a conservative? Hell, then so was Lenin.

Many battles for civil rights in this country during the twentieth century were won by means of civil disobedience: purposefully breaking the law and inviting the consequences in an attempt to appeal to the consciences of the oppressors. The smoke-ins of the 1960s and 1970s, with their "you can't arrest us all" mentality, worked for a while until the Reagan years ushered in a new abhorrence for marijuana, and enough arrests were made to deter public flouting of the law. And it must be admitted that public intoxication is neither desirable in many instances nor photogenic or reassuring. As a result, we have antiprohibition demonstrations that are by and large ineffectual. Most of the folks who are brazen enough to be publicly associated with marijuana are already on the fringes of mainstream culture, and the silent majority of pot-smoking Joes and Janes cannot risk being on TV or otherwise fingered. Thus, the turnouts aren't impressive, the speakers aren't usually very dynamic, and the protesters seem to be no more than a pack of late-blooming or superannuated hippie freaks, punks, and other malcontents--which leads some to believe that ALL marijuana smokers fall under this rubric. Hippie freaks, punks, and malcontents are fine in my book, of course, but they are the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the demographics of marijuana consumption in the United States.

So what should you humans who smoke marijuana do in protest of the current legal predicament?

Smoke-ins are based on bass-ackwards civil disobedience: getting high right under the noses of the cops and getting away with it. As the government won't let anyone get away with it these days, and seeing as how we are now in the twenty-first century, a new approach is required: Civil Obedience.

Recent Gallup polls indicate that 29 percent of U.S. citizens believe that marijuana should be as legal as alcohol and tobacco for adults, and a majority of Americans would like to see possession of marijuana decriminalized. Imagine, if you will, what would happen if all 78.3 million Americans who want pot legalized were to obtain at least one-quarter ounce of marijuana (and it needn't be good marijuana; indeed, it could be no more than hemp, which the law treats with equal severity) and turn themselves in to the nearest Drug Enforcement Agency office . . . all on the same day, or at least during the same week or month, as one day would be too short a span of time for such a mammoth enterprise. That's right. Rather than disobeying the law, you should all obey it en masse. This would achieve the following ends:

 

1. The DEA would be completely overwhelmed and would probably attempt to disperse the crowds lined up in front of its doors waving baggies or film canisters and yelling "Please arrest me!!!" Protesters should then refuse to disperse, politely citing their violation of federal drug laws and insisting on being processed as soon as possible for the good of the nation. It would be powerless to do anything else but process and process and process. Any other law enforcement bodies or institutions called on to help with the massive influx of newly revealed felons would also be swamped (what's 29 percent of 270 million again?). In short, within a day or so, emergency measures would need to be employed because there simply aren't enough jails and holding pens. Police stations, sheriff's departments, and other agencies would not be able to take care of other business. This would underscore the truth of the matter: Marijuana is wildly popular, and any law declaring it a felony is unenforceable if you call their bluff and make them enforce it.

 

2. Upon being arraigned, defendants should refuse to accept plea bargains or other weaselly maneuvers currently employed to keep the courts from sinking completely under the seas of drug felons; rather, they should plead not guilty and demand, as is their constitutionally protected right, on a trial by jury. On average, juries consist of 9 people who are registered voters; thus, 9 registered voters would be required for each separate case. If only 1 percent of that previously cited 29 percent were actually to go ahead and do this, the courts would be faced with the prospect of working through 7.8 million felons. Not only would they be unable to address any other problems, but also nothing else would get done because every voter would be called in for jury duty.

 

3. Faced with the unprecedented show of opposition, the federal government would have no choice but to immediately legalize marijuana and grant amnesty to all marijuana felons.

 

Some might argue that this is rather severe as a strategy. Well, imprisonment is severe; so is forfeiture of property without benefit of trial, loss of employment, and destruction of family ties. Most U.S. citizens who favor current drug policy mean well, but so did Hitler. You marijuana-smoking humans need to start taking this personally and fighting back.

 

© 2000 Gregor Everitt