Saturday Morning

I wake up with that buzzard perched and grinning at my feet
The cheerful morning sounds the imposition of a day
Upon oblivion I'd found at last in final sleeping moments
Saturdays are marvelous, but start out like the others
With margins that are smaller than the weekdays
When I rise so early.

The image that so well indicts, though I can't tell you why
Is from a trip I took with mom to check out houses we might buy
A fantasy, to tell the truth, for her as much as me
Down Grauwyler Road to newer streets, an open house
Where I explored the upper room and looked down from a window
Into a family den with color TV and shag carpet
And no books that held the frowning faces and the curse
Of old men with whom I grew familiar
In the home I lived in down the road and years away
Where every mossy step I took was steeped in bleak tradition
Of the ages' dusty codices I love now, though I couldn't then
The trappings of a thousand years spent seeking some redemption.

Next door to that brick domicile I dreamed in on a sunny morning
Clear like this one of the weight that burdens all my movements
A dog returned my gaze in canine pity and compassion
He heard the noise like all dogs do
He saw the world's sin just as clear
In neon blinking, (Who could miss it?)
Wished me well, then I was gone.

Returning to the life I'd chosen
Suburban Jesus on whose back
The stripes were self-inflicted
The Whining Servant gratifying every impulse
Willfully to grab the Cup of Sorrows
Knowing that destruction followed if I played the part
Of necessary knowing and rejecting what has gone before
No Pharisees or Romans, all the roles are played by me
Self-scourged, crowned, hanging pitiful upon a tree.

I roll the dice and laugh and pass the vinegar and drink
And cry out to my dad my mother at my feet
In tears and rage, because she sees no symmetry
Or sense to my life's mission.

In any case I must get up and make the coffee
Meditate and feel my breathing
Write a bit and help my lover
Study for his final.

He only vaguely senses all the drama
I create.